Bird

I have to let her go.

I can’t imagine there was a time when I didn’t have Sweepy in my life although it has been barely a year.

I heard a faint thump and walked out to find the little sparrow lying on my balcony floor. She couldn’t flutter her wings and seemed to be shivering. I took her inside, wrapped it in a small towel and tried giving it some water. It took her some time to stop shivering. I looked up what to feed her, how to help her with her injury. It was lockdown so taking her to a vet or some expert wasn’t an option. I took it upon myself to care of her and let her go once she is able to.

After a week, she was able to make small jumps, eating the food I put out. I felt a sense of accomplishment at that. She still wasn’t strong enough to fly and if I had let her go some other animal may hurt her. So I got down to creating a makeshift wooden cage with an opening for food and water and put her there. I remember thinking just a few weeks more, either she will be able to fly or if the lockdown is over I can take her to a vet.

Another month went by, she is now able to take little flights, but I have closed all windows so she doesn’t get out. At this point I was used to having her around. When she landed she would slide on a little bit, so I named her Sweepy. The lockdown was over now, but I told myself I will wait for her to get better, not taking her to a vet. I should have seen the selfishness of this thought just then. It wasn’t about her anymore , it was now about me.

Now a year has passed by. I bought a bigger cage, I sat by her and talked to her about my day, pretending she understands. I almost know her favorite foods by now.

But whenever I open a window or take her to my balcony, she cocks her head outward and stares into the open. I can almost see it in her eyes, the search for a life long lost.

Living in a cage is not her best life.

I delusion myself into thinking I am her hero, but I am not. I have separated her from her family probably, her friends and most importantly her freedom.

It will be tough, I will be torn. I will miss her dearly but at some point her desire for freedom has to be placed higher than Maybe she will remember me. Maybe she will visit me someday. She seems to be capable of memory.

I will wait